Onward to August

Screen Shot 2018-02-12 at 3.09.08 PMA quick update. We got the results of my bloodwork back from the recurrent pregnancy loss testing, and everything looked normal. After reviewing, the doctors felt comfortable with the images from my sonohystogram, so we are cleared to try an FET with our little frozen fighter embryo #3 in August. I am still on birth control pills for another week, and then I will stop those, start a period, start Estrace twice a day and pray harder than we have ever prayed before that #3 is the little one meant to be our take home baby.

WTF appointment #2

pexels-photo-263370.jpegTuesday rolled around, and I went into the lab at the clinic to get my blood drawn and officially finish my cycle. It was the day after a holiday so it was extra busy, packed with a bunch of excited women from the cycle waiting to get their blood drawn and hopeful to get their positive results. The lab tech gave me a big smile and asked if I have had a blood pregnancy test before. “Yeah, I have.” I told her. And left it at that. Continue reading

Deja vu and a trip to the ER

pexels-photo-263402.jpegThis time after transfer, I stayed pretty much in bed for a few days hoping that would help with implantation. “T” waited on me so I wouldn’t have to get up and around a whole lot. “T” and “I” had gone shopping with me a few weeks earlier, and we picked out a bunch of “lucky socks” that I could wear during and after transfer, because there is a thought in the IVF community that warm feet=warm uterus and that helps the babies implant. So I kept my feet toasty with socks covered in elephants (“I” said they are a symbol of luck and fertility) and rainbows (the symbol for a baby after a loss, and new hope) and words like “be confident”. Continue reading

IVF#2: Microdose Lupron Flare

I remembered my time with my old friend Lupron from early in the year, so I had some slight concerns with side effects…but the formula for the microdose is compounded and diluted so it gives a low dose of just enough medication to spike my own hormones right before I start stim shots, then suppresses ovulation afterward so I don’t lose all those eggs I am working so hard to grow. Continue reading

Two big, conflicting emotions

During this time, I got a call that I had been expecting for a while from my little sister: she was pregnant. 

I felt terrible because I could hear in her voice that it was breaking her heart to feel like she was breaking mine, at a time that should have been only joyful for her. It is a tough thing to convey, being happy for someone else when you are so sad and frustrated at yourself. Continue reading

“I’m so sorry…”

pexels-photo-359757.jpegThe next day, the spotting was a little bit heavier and slightly pink, so I shot an email to my IVF coordinator nurse just to fill her in and make sure I didn’t need to up my progesterone dose or anything. She called me back instead of writing, because she wanted to congratulate me herself (she had been out of the office the day I got my test results) because she knew what a nervous and rocky cycle I had, with all the slow-rising estrogen and follicle growing scares. She told me again the spotting and cramping were very normal and reassured me not to be worried. Continue reading

The pregnancy test taking monster

A few days later, I started feeling some pinchy pains in the front of my uterus, and just overall exhausted. Some say you shouldn’t take a home pregnancy test before you go in for your blood beta Hcg test, because it can give you a false result, but I couldn’t help myself. I picked up a few tests over the weekend and took one prepared for it to be negative since it might be too soon – 5 days after my transfer. I peed on the test and placed it out of my reach while I sat on the edge of the bathtub and waited for the result. After a few minutes had gone by, I grabbed the test, pulled it in front of my face, and slowly peeked through my squinched-shut eyelids at the tiny digital screen… Continue reading