I don’t know when our little one will make their way into our life. Each day, month, year that goes by makes the dream seem less and less attainable, and chips away at my certainty that soon my arms and heart will be full with a squishy, perfect bundle of pure joy. But I do know one thing. I already love this someday child of mine fiercely.
A quick update. We got the results of my bloodwork back from the recurrent pregnancy loss testing, and everything looked normal. After reviewing, the doctors felt comfortable with the images from my sonohystogram, so we are cleared to try an FET with our little frozen fighter embryo #3 in August. I am still on birth control pills for another week, and then I will stop those, start a period, start Estrace twice a day and pray harder than we have ever prayed before that #3 is the little one meant to be our take home baby.
Tuesday rolled around, and I went into the lab at the clinic to get my blood drawn and officially finish my cycle. It was the day after a holiday so it was extra busy, packed with a bunch of excited women from the cycle waiting to get their blood drawn and hopeful to get their positive results. The lab tech gave me a big smile and asked if I have had a blood pregnancy test before. “Yeah, I have.” I told her. And left it at that. Continue reading
This time after transfer, I stayed pretty much in bed for a few days hoping that would help with implantation. “T” waited on me so I wouldn’t have to get up and around a whole lot. “T” and “I” had gone shopping with me a few weeks earlier, and we picked out a bunch of “lucky socks” that I could wear during and after transfer, because there is a thought in the IVF community that warm feet=warm uterus and that helps the babies implant. So I kept my feet toasty with socks covered in elephants (“I” said they are a symbol of luck and fertility) and rainbows (the symbol for a baby after a loss, and new hope) and words like “be confident”. Continue reading
I remembered my time with my old friend Lupron from early in the year, so I had some slight concerns with side effects…but the formula for the microdose is compounded and diluted so it gives a low dose of just enough medication to spike my own hormones right before I start stim shots, then suppresses ovulation afterward so I don’t lose all those eggs I am working so hard to grow. Continue reading
During this time, I got a call that I had been expecting for a while from my little sister: she was pregnant.
I felt terrible because I could hear in her voice that it was breaking her heart to feel like she was breaking mine, at a time that should have been only joyful for her. It is a tough thing to convey, being happy for someone else when you are so sad and frustrated at yourself. Continue reading
The next day, the spotting was a little bit heavier and slightly pink, so I shot an email to my IVF coordinator nurse just to fill her in and make sure I didn’t need to up my progesterone dose or anything. She called me back instead of writing, because she wanted to congratulate me herself (she had been out of the office the day I got my test results) because she knew what a nervous and rocky cycle I had, with all the slow-rising estrogen and follicle growing scares. She told me again the spotting and cramping were very normal and reassured me not to be worried. Continue reading