The last year has not been the easiest; that is an understatement. I just realized I didn’t post once in 2017, I suppose I was swept up in the tidal wave of hurt, hope, and defeat for a while. Here is a quick and dirty recap to get up to speed on where we stand in our journey today. Continue reading
When we first made the decision to look into reversing T’s vasectomy, and try for a child of our own, it was later in the year and our surgery appointment was set for February of the year soon to come. I had researched every statistic that was out there on Google, and with the average time to get pregnant after a vasectomy reversal being one year, I thought it was completely reasonable to set my hopes high that by next Christmas, I would most likely be pregnant. Continue reading
I’ve been dreaming occasionally of the baby I lost most recently. I can see her just in the next room, but we are separated by a pane of glass with no door and no way for me to reach her. She is happy, and laughing, and when she sees me she grins from ear to ear. She has my smile, soft brown curls, and my husband’s beautiful brown eyes. Even though I can’t reach her, and I long to hold her, it gives me peace knowing she is there.
Can’t listen to this song without getting teary. Pink wrote this about her own miscarriage, and every word feels so true to me.
It has taken me a while to get to the point I felt I was ready to make this post. Somehow putting it off and not putting what happened to words and publishing it out into the universe made it seem less final. But it is time to let go, and let this become a chapter in my yet unfinished story. Continue reading
A little update on our FET round this month:
I started my cycle in late July and went in for my baseline ultrasound and to check my estrogen level. A new cyst had popped up to join my endometriomas, but it looked like a leftover follicle from last cycle, the nurse said. So we checked my progesterone level as well just to make sure I hadn’t ovulated and thrown everything off, and it came back low enough that we were cleared to move forward with the cycle. Continue reading
I don’t know when our little one will make their way into our life. Each day, month, year that goes by makes the dream seem less and less attainable, and chips away at my certainty that soon my arms and heart will be full with a squishy, perfect bundle of pure joy. But I do know one thing. I already love this someday child of mine fiercely.
A quick update. We got the results of my bloodwork back from the recurrent pregnancy loss testing, and everything looked normal. After reviewing, the doctors felt comfortable with the images from my sonohystogram, so we are cleared to try an FET with our little frozen fighter embryo #3 in August. I am still on birth control pills for another week, and then I will stop those, start a period, start Estrace twice a day and pray harder than we have ever prayed before that #3 is the little one meant to be our take home baby.
Tuesday rolled around, and I went into the lab at the clinic to get my blood drawn and officially finish my cycle. It was the day after a holiday so it was extra busy, packed with a bunch of excited women from the cycle waiting to get their blood drawn and hopeful to get their positive results. The lab tech gave me a big smile and asked if I have had a blood pregnancy test before. “Yeah, I have.” I told her. And left it at that. Continue reading
This time after transfer, I stayed pretty much in bed for a few days hoping that would help with implantation. “T” waited on me so I wouldn’t have to get up and around a whole lot. “T” and “I” had gone shopping with me a few weeks earlier, and we picked out a bunch of “lucky socks” that I could wear during and after transfer, because there is a thought in the IVF community that warm feet=warm uterus and that helps the babies implant. So I kept my feet toasty with socks covered in elephants (“I” said they are a symbol of luck and fertility) and rainbows (the symbol for a baby after a loss, and new hope) and words like “be confident”. Continue reading